Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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