Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
