ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
