Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
