I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
