Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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