Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
