as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
