you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
