just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
