my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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