Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
