I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
