My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize