You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
