My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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