I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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