Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
