Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
