I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
