I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
