No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
