She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize