her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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