The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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