Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
