I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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