I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
