can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
