i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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