Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
