I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
