Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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