We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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