Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
