he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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