so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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