Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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