to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
