She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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