so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
love makes seman taste better
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
