No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
