Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
