If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
