So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
