I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
40s are totally the cure
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
