I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
