Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
