she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize