I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
