Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize