After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
