i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
