wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're like the curious george of whores
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
