Plan B is the new Plan A
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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