I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
