I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
