I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
