I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
