it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
