I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
