Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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