If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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