I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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