So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
