a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You can't special order awesome
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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