Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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