She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
