he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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