Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
whose parrot is this?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
